That finale was an appropriate ending to a WTF season.
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BIG BROTHER LOVER 4 LIFE: Here’s the thing: I’ve been a fan of Big Brother since 2004. I might even consider myself a ‘superfan.’ I mean, that’s a lot of summers (and the odd fall here and there) to log three nights a week’s worth of TV hours on (and that doesn’t even count After Dark). But the team-ups, hook-ups, savage gameplay, epic twists and flip-the-script competitions—for both Head of Household and Power of Veto—have made every (mostly) exciting minute worth it, week in and week out. That was, until this summer.
SUPERFANS ARE BETTER OFF WATCHING THE SHOW THAN BEING ON IT: It became apparent pretty quickly that Big Brother 19 tipped the scales, with the show going from intriguing can’t miss TV, to inspiring thrice-weekly thoughts of ‘are they serious?’. The twists and temptations were on-point, as always, but the majority of the 16 new faces producers put in the nicely renovated house were, in a word, lame.
There were just too many starstruck, self-proclaimed ‘superfans’ that were overly excited just to be there, fan-girl/boy’ing out instead of actually playing the game. Sure, it makes for a cute intro clip package to see how much of a geek Cameron is for BB, but the dude couldn’t even last 12 hours in the house. That’s one half of the first day, ya’ll. Really?! And though I have sympathy for Megan’s PTSD situation, did she actually think that being on reality TV 24/7 would lessen her chronic anxiety? And so, another one bit the dust in the first week. Julie Chen, take the wheel.
BLINDED BY THE FRIENDSHIP SLIGHT: Enter Paul, Big Brother 18 runner-up who ended up easily—SO EASILY!—running the house from the second he walked in as the surprise 17th houseguest and only vet plopped into this year’s game. As someone who really didn’t care for him at all last season (legit), I quickly went from ‘eh’ to ‘impressed’ as I watched a more level-headed, less bombastic player actually apply what he had learned before to manipulate every damn person in the house. His task was made that much easier by the fact that everyone tripped over themselves in his presence (save for Kevin, who barely knew what BB was) as if they were 12 year-olds at a post-concert backstage meet-and-greet with The New Kids on the Block circa 1992. It was embarrassing to watch. Not cute, guys. Not cute at all.
CONSCIOUSLY COUPLED: Add to the Paul factor the fact that the core of the house was made up of ‘showmance’ pairings (platonic and otherwise), where individuals were fully willing to sacrifice their own game for their significant other, and we have the safest, least entertaining season of Big Brother so far. (Note to Matt: You should have stayed home to nap and eat cereal all summer, because, like your sacrificial lamb-for-Raven strategy, it was a joke, and I am not here for any of it. ANY. OF. IT.)
FINALLY, THE FINALE: Once Alex and Jason were out—really, two of the only true competitors in the bunch—we were barreling towards a finale chock full of coattail-riding floaters, all of whom got where they were because of alliances with Paul. I said many times to fellow fans that it would take a Stranger Things-style trip to the Big Brother version of The Upside Down for Josh to win; like, there was no way, in any universe, that the jury would deem him more worthy than Christmas (who impressed me most of the time) or Paul.
Then came the big moment. As Julie pulled out each key with votes for the winner from the worst cast ever, the season ended as it started: with shock, at how in the name of Dr. Will any of these people made it to the finale stage at all, and that Josh took the $500,000 crown. And, shock of shocks, there were tears. Lots of them.
Maybe he should look into Kleenex stock to invest his winnings. Meanwhile, I’ll be deciding whether or not I’ll be investing my time in the first US celebrity edition of the game this January after this summer of WTF discontent.